Yep. Back to ranting about college life...
and everything else to keep my mind off her...
Today is the first day at college since last week's break...and I guess its not surprising to find myself searching for some piece of familiarity with my old "life-before-the-break" here at BAC. There is no better haven for suited for this little nerd's need for a peace and quiet than right here in the computer lab.
I pick a computer, grab a seat, sit down, start sipping McD tea, munch an apple pie and go about my daily routine of scouring youtube for guitar/ cs/ dot/ step videos, reading star online, and visiting blogs...
First blog that came to my mind? Hers.
Saw she had a new post! (which tempted me to post this I guess xD) Read a few lines...scrolled down a few older posts...smiled at a few pictures...but somehow I found my screen hovering above our pictures...they compelled me to look at them the more I stared.
As with all our older pictures, they have always given me a rush of mjxed emotions whenever I take just a simple glance at them. I kinda enjoy but at the same time resent the feeling of looking at us, together, close, firmly held in each other's arms as our eyes become transfixed on each other's...and as I sit here snugly tucked in my chair, bathed in the familiar glare and radiation of the hums and beeps of computer component's grinding ceaselessly against each other...I can't help but feel FAR from here.
"Out-of-place-ness" is my preferred way of putting it. Its just the kind of "I dont belong here", or "what am I doing here" or "screw this shit...I miss her" -feeling that no one really knows how to describe to this naive world who have never felt this way. The sickening, gut wrenching feeling that cooks up a hunger deep inside your soul you know nothing and no one else can cure, but the ONE OTHER SOUL in this world that feels exaclty the same about you.
I guess thats why some people describe this feeling as "living in another world"...so far...yet so close...I guess its the feeling of standing back to back...but never having the chance to look each other face to face...
Okay....I can't hold it back any longer...
I MISS YOUUUU!!!!!! T.T
